The Seasons of Thanksgiving

Tomorrow, Thanksgiving day, I will wake up, walk the pups, and run a 10K Turkey Trot by myself. Around 4PM, I'll head over to my boyfriend's ex's house to celebrate Thanksgiving with his daughters. I am thankful for the invitation and to be on good terms but my holidays are so different now.

Growing up, my grandmother and mother would spend weeks planning our holiday meals. My grandmother took pride in a beautifully set table and she taught me the right fork and knives to use. She would set out the good china on holidays, even for us kids. My mother didn't cook elaborately during the year, but for special occasions, she would utilize the Cuisinart, the mandoline slicer, and the extra sharp knives. Her stuffing included chestnuts that she roasted herself, cutting an "x" in the base with a curious hook-shaped knife. She'd frown on premade frozen rolls and bagged salad greens.

When I got married, I emulated my matriarchs' dedication to making holidays special. I would start collecting recipes weeks in advance. My shopping list would be broken out into the grocery store aisles to make shopping easier. I'd start shopping on Sunday, shop more on Tuesday, start cooking on Tuesday evening, cook most of Wednesday, and bring it all together on Thursday. One year, we had my dad and his wife visiting, as well as my in-laws and a few friends; our table and home were overflowing. It was work but I loved it.

My second marriage expanded my family considerably and with that, my Thanksgiving table. We usually had at least seven of us, many times more. The best part was sharing the kitchen with my incredible sister-in-law; we worked side-by-side like a well-oiled machine. The dishes I didn't like to make, she did, and vice versa. Her sweet potato casserole with pecan brown sugar topping was only bested by our frank conversations and wine sipping. In my second divorce, I lost my kitchen partner as well as many other intangibles.

Now, my family is small. My close relatives live too far away to drive. My daughter is spending Thanksgiving with her dad's family. My partner is practical and doesn't really value big elaborate meals, not the effort and especially not the cleanup. It has taken me years to accept his perspective. We will buy our Thanksgiving meal from Whole Foods and the only cleanup will be the dishes we use to eat.

It's easy during the holidays to get pulled into the idealistic vision of what celebrations should look like. I've had all kinds -- large and boisterous to quiet and intimate -- and each has its own merit. Thanksgiving is about gratitude for what you have, so I try to focus on that each year, regardless of the circumstances. I am able to run a 10K. I have a loving partner who would rather I not slave in the kitchen all day. And I had the quiet time to write this post while my two pups slept nearby.